I would love to one day wake up and find my flesh lying on the altar from yesterday. (Provided I didn’t allow it to be resurrected yesterday.) But no, it is still there. It is like an annoying cough that no matter the amount of cough syrup and water you ingest, it just tends to hang on for dear life.
I ask You, Lord, to take Your Sword and pierce me today. The only way that I can hold this blade in my hand and wield it effectively is if my hand bears Your scar in it. I don’t want to live catering to my weaknesses. I don’t want to live catering to my selfishness. I want my will to be left in Gethsemane. I want my heart to be undivided.
May integrity mark my path today, causing what I confidently profess to be matched by my life. If knowing You causes my head to be in the enemy’s crosshairs, then may I ever be a target. If knowing You causes my life to be placed under the microscope of those around me, then may they only see You as they look closer.
I struggle with being disappointed in myself that I didn’t wake up feeling anointed and spiritual. I struggle with feeling like I have to pick up the hammer and nail…again…and tell myself that it isn’t about me. I want to just automatically FEEL like denying myself, taking up the cross and following You—but then that wouldn’t be denying myself at all. There would be no faith in the equation. Would I depend on Your grace if I could do it on my own?
If I am given a tomorrow, I know that my flesh will still be there. But the cross will still be there, too. Thank You, Lord.